A sign that crossroads are in our future?

I just had to share something I found a little humerous today. I went to the mailbox and really only got 2 things that weren't "junk mail". One was a book called Sweet Grapes that I had ordered the day I felt like my IVF journey was falling apart. It's a book on How to Stop Being Infertile and Start Living Again. I was and still am to a pretty big degree concerned that Nick and I will not be able to have children. I am SO thankful for my son and I love him to pieces. Sadly, I wonder if there will every be a day where my son and husband get along more than being cordial to each other. It's the lovely teenager rebel - I don't need or want a dad cause they all suck routine. It's fun at my house, let me tell ya! ;-) ANYWAY Nick is great about accepting that we may not have any children together but I know it still bothers him that it may not happen. Therefore, I feel guilty because it's really my fault it's not working. Which I shouldn't -but I'm sure someone out there understands. When we went into this whole infertility treatment world we had an agreement that no matter what happened we would be fine and happy and have a great life together. I still believe that and so does he. Right now we both REALLY want to have a baby (or more than 1 :-) ). That is our heart's desire. IF it doesn't happen we always remind ourselves of the things we can do if we don't have any little ones - other than the precious grandbabies Nate will give me MANY years from now. ;-) We talk about traveling and getting an acreage someday and pretty much just enjoying life. At the same time we know we would like to enjoy our life with children. I know IF the time comes for us to stop trying that I will probably have a hard time with it. I know on one hand it will feel great not to have to go through all this but it will definitely feel like a loss. Giving up a HUGE dream. SO this book is supposed to help with that part. Either by moving onto adoption, living childfree, sperm or egg donor, or embryo adoption. We'd be totally good with the donor or embryo adoption (that's still VERY new) but Nick isn't comfortable with adoption because of the process one must go through. Most likely - we will choose to live "childfree". IF we get to that point this book will probably help a lot.

Sorry for going off on a long tangent. :-) Back to my humor!!! SO I got the book about giving up trying to have a baby and the other piece of mail I got was American Baby magazine!! Somehow I must have ordered it when I was pregnant. I just found it quite humerous, or ironic really, that I got those 2 things the same day. Is that some wierd sign!?? I think this year we will reach our crossroads. We will either get pregnant and all will go well(hoping that's the winner!) or we will decide to stop (at least for a good long while). Let's just hope all goes well and we have a healthy baby or babies to bring home in 2008-2009!!