Remembering August

8 years ago today Nick and I said goodbye to our first baby together. We had gone through our first IVF and amazingly it was successful. We were over the moon with happiness. We had ultrasounds every 2 weeks from the time I was 6 weeks along and the baby was doing great but at our 10 week ultrasound we discovered it's little heart had stopped beating. We were already SO in love with our little one. It felt like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from for a good month or 2. The next 9 months were a bit of an infertility blur between failed FET's, running out of insurance money for fertility meds, and gearing up for another round of IVF. Our little one's due date was March 26, 2008 and it just so hit that we were in the thick of our 2nd IVF. Two days after the due date was egg retrieval day and the beginning of Walker and Jocelyn. It was all so bittersweet going through it around the time of the due date but kept my spirits up as well. Through the years I have never forgotten a thing about my pregnancy or our feelings for the child we lost. As the poem in the picture suggests, he or she is numbered among our family. I have a picture in my bedroom of this poem and the last ultrasound picture I have and in the last year the kids have started asking more questions. Jocelyn of course is the most interested and has decided that he or she needs a name. She decided August would be a good one and could be a boys name or a girls name but she keeps thinking it was a boy. Whichever you are my dear August you are in our thoughts always especially today. I decided that even though I think of August on March 26th we will use today's date as a remembrance day or as the kids say - birthday. It was the day he or she left my body and became our sweet angel watching over us. We love you sweet August and your brothers and sister want to have a special celebration for your little life today.