Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! So far Christmas Eve is going well. I started off the day going to the gym. That was actually pretty nice. I'm still amazed at how relaxed I am when I leave there. I'm still kind of nervous going in (it's SO big!) but I'm slowly getting the hang of it and I am feeling less stressed. I was trying to decide if I wanted to take a "real" break from TTC (trying to conceive) or if I wanted to try naturally. I think I'm going to do a little of both if that is even possible. I'm going to take my temp in the mornings so I can at least see what my natural cycle is doing these days (I haven't had a "natural" cycle since last January!!!). Also, my cycle is normally very irregular so it's nice to have a heads up when the old period is coming. ;-) We'll try to time things right but I'm not going to do ovulation predictor kits or anything like that. I really don't have that much faith that I can do this on my own!! LOL BUT why not give it a shot while we're saving up for the meds. You never know - right?? Miracles do happen. Probably not to me...but I've seen it happen to other people so I figure I have to open that door just in case the miracle decides to come my way!! ;-)

I'm still taking the loss of our baby harder than I thought. I think perhaps it's hitting me that may have been our only pregnancy. When it first happened I was optimistic that I could do IVF again and get right back to being pregnant. Now with the failed FET and the surprise cancellation of this IVF - I'm not feeling so confident about being able to get pregnant again. I'm trying to "prepare" myself to be a great aunt to the little ones around me and eventually a Grandmother to Nate's kiddos (hopefully that is not for a long while!!!). I told Nick after Nate graduates that I'd like to start looking for a smaller house (IF the market is back up anyway). It's hard having a 4 bedroom house and having so many rooms empty. We decided once Nate is out on his own that maybe we'll go skiing or something during the holidays if we don't have any little ones. I'm not "giving up" but I'm trying to make life without little ones more appealing. It's not really but I'm trying to think of the positive aspects.

OK enough of the depressing talk. It's Christmas time. I have no idea what we're doing. We'll go over to my Dad's tomorrow morning to wish everyone over there a Merry Christmas. Nate just wants to do his own thing which royally sucks. I miss him so much, especially right now, and he is very focused on doing teenage things that do not include his Mom. Anyway - we'll try to have a happy Christmas. Maybe next year will be better. Happy Holidays everyone!

--Also, I started a "weight loss" blog for myself. Hopefully I'll get into that and move the focus to just getting healthy. If you want to read that it is:
http://ontheroadtofindingmyself.blogspot.com/